How I escaped a Narcissist

You might think there is some pride in the claim in the title. And you wouldn’t be far wrong.

Because I did. It can be a traumatic experience. It’s more like survival. I had observed their traits one by one over a long period of time, but the generic condition eluded me. I had a good run over the first three decades (almost) of my life, before falling prey to this kind. But I would honestly deny any bragging rights, because it was pure luck, than being smart. It had to happen. That’s how I console myself. But let me say for the record that the experience almost burnt us to cinder, emotionally, mentally. I (we) feel like a battle-scarred veteran now.

They stormed in to my life later in life, with smiling faces, open hearts and words cased in affection. I allowed them to storm my jealously cherished bastion, was more like it. I maintain a simple principle in life, that if someone fools you, totally, then it’s your fault; especially as an adult. Because we have empowered them to do so with our stupidity, stupidity in deciphering people. It’s not illegal to hoodwink, fool and abuse a person’s trust and affection. True, it is a moral crime, but the crime is only answerable to that abstract authority above us or karma, which ever philosophical truth you choose. I have always chosen the higher authority, judgement will come, one way or another. This is a universal truth. I have come to purchase this attitude in life. It’s a consolation and warning, and perhaps a sublime truth. Although, for the most part we may not see the punishment openly.

We have stopped hurting, a long time ago. But initially it was hard. When you offer yourself (your generosity) on a platter to someone, and they enjoy it in full and worse reward you with a stark impression of their boot on your rear, it’s hard. Ouch! It was a casual video on social media that unveiled them to me. It was an epiphany for me. And it was all downhill afterwards, I meant an easier emotional journey post revelation. Apparently, there are entire faculties, with qualified researchers devoted to the task of studying and treating this parasitical condition. These are psychological antagonists, their primary weapons of choice: deception and manipulation.

They milk you of your essence, offer barefaced lies, false promises, they are shameless in everything they do and then when your expiry date of usefulness is arrived at, spit you out with a bonus whack on the butt. But to me, the juiciest part is, it’s all your fault. If we’re not careful, the victim can end up apologising. But..but, the more I read, watch and study them, the more and more my anger dissipates, only to be replaced by pity and eventually solace via understanding. After all they are “sad” people, their very condition undermines, perhaps the primary purpose and meaning of human existence – “happiness” or rather the process by which it is reached. Now, I have mentioned before in a blog that happiness is a state of mind and a far more complex beast than what the term suggests. The greatest philosophies and religions in the east (eg: Buddhism) and west (eg: Christianity) answer this or make a good claim for answering it.

What can be a bigger curse then to be sad or miserable as a state of being, and not know the cause for it or worse take the easier option of blaming everyone other than themselves for it. They are fully aware of their lack of worth or importance and beg others for compensation. They supplicate for attention and…and praise for accomplishments and virtue (one hundred percent unearned) and when rebuffed by those with sound wit, fall prey to this condition. Yes, now I truly feel sorry for them. The deeper I dig, the more I learn. The most fatalistic realisation is that they would never know, would never therefore learn and may never get out of it. This hurts me, hurts me in their stead. For every being deserves to be fulfilled and content.

But a small and ever growing kernel in my consciousness leads my memory to some goodness that they may have displayed in the past, then stirs my imagination to the possibility that, that goodness, affection was real at the time. And if real there is possibility, hope that they may come out of it yet and enjoy life to the full, at least what’s left of it. Even benefit from our human status as tiny cogs in a vast wheel with an unknown circumference, where cordial interaction with countless others like us is of paramount importance for our continued existence. This spark is growing.

I live in hope while utilising this unique experience to never fall prey again. That would truly be fatal. But above all I hope for myself that I could re-learn to trust people again.